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Saturday, February 9, 2013

Movie 43 "Review"

Oh yes, that is THE Kate Winslet in Movie 43
Relativity Media
Movie 43 Review
2013, 94 minutes
Rated R for strong pervasive crude and sexual content including dialogue, graphic nudity, language, and some violence

This will not be a traditional review, hence why the word "review" is in quotation marks.  This movie doesn't deserve a review and is very hard to review.  But, I will try.  Movie 43 is unmatched.  It goes below the barrel.  With a cast consisting of A-listers such as Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Richard Gere, Halle Berry, Emma Stone, Terrence Howard, Seth MacFarlane, Naomi Watts, Elizabeth Banks, and countless others, Movie 43 is just indescribable.  

Each segment of this vile anthology reaches a low lower than the previous segment.  I will say, I laughed maybe once or twice during Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber's segment (they, unlike much of the rest of the cast, look like they're having fun), but the rest of the movie is just unreal.

I will also say that I only saw this movie because I had heard that it was one of the worst movies some fellow critics had ever seen.  I knew that this movie would be bad, but their reviews ended up being understatements.  I have seen Showgirls, The Room, Bellflower (which I know people liked, but I regarded it as the worst movie of all time, until now), and Plan 9 From Outer Space.  I have seen many other films that are absolutely horrid.  However, they are all masterworks compared to Movie 43.  With the aforementioned films, it seems as if the filmmakers actually tried.  There is some redeeming feature , however small, in all of them.  Movie 43 has none.

I know that with an offensive gross-out movie like this some may criticize me for not being able to laugh at it, but there is a massive difference between a funny film that intends to shock and offend like Borat (that movie is hilarious and has genius social commentary) with good intentions versus a film like this that is mean, nasty, and lazily made.  This movie is so terribly put together and thoughtless that a young child could have come up with something funnier.  The filmmakers obviously wanted us to suffer.  While I did suffer, I was more amazed and mad that some people are so out-of-touch that they would make this movie.

Supposedly for this project the great actors were guilt-tripped into acting in it.  I would love to know how someone accomplished that.  I felt horrible for the actors, particularly those that looked as if they were not game for it, such as Richard Gere and Halle Berry.  Berry is relegated to making guacamole with her right breast in one scene.  Some do seem to be enjoying themselves, but most just look bored and mad.

The construction of this film is terrible and every single short is an abomination.  I don't know who decided to end the movie (the first ending, at least) the way it did, but whoever did simply seemed to run out of ideas.  The final short film, which appears after a first round of credits that are accompanied by outtakes, takes the cake for stupidity and nastiness.  It is horrible, cheap-looking, and degrading.  WHO GREENLIT THIS MOVIE?  It's stupefying to think that anyone would think that this would be a good idea.

However, there is something good that could come out of this movie.  Actually, a couple of things.  First, I don't think I will ever see something this bad again, or at least for a VERY long time.  It's only up from here.  Also, if Hollywood has any brains, they will learn from the critical and financial failings of this film and just stop making massive ensemble pieces like it.

Overall, this movie sucks.  If I could give it a negative rating, I would.

-Joshua Handler

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